no, actually, you don't need the rain asshole.

Today, as Jeff to the Rey and I walked into a Home Depot which is my official Bender Costume Building Warehouse, we heard two people engage in this brief conversation:

Person 1: Oh man, I'm so glad it rained.
Idiot 2: Yeah... we really needed it.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I hear that a lot, people love to say "Yeah, we really needed the rain!" but uh, here's the thing, no. Granted there are some people that probably "needed the rain." Those people are the following:

1. Farmers
2. Native Americans circa 1863
3. Any random person who accidentally has happened to set themselves on fire.

Now, since the man was neither on fire, nor living in 1863, nor tending crops in the middle of M-59... there is no fucking reason for him to ever say that. God Damn son of a bitch trying to pass himself off as a wandering pilgrim or something, bullshit. We saw through his ruse rather quickly.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but it pissed me off a lot and made me want to hogtie the guy, throw him into the back of my car, drive him down to Columbia, sell him to some warlord as a slave, and after they've beaten the shit out of him and broken any spirit he might have had and forced him to tend the fields of whatever drug they're growing I could walk up and say YEAH, NOW YOU NEED THE RAIN DIPSHIT, FUCK YOU!

Whenever someone says that, I want Clive Clemmons to wail on a guitar and then yell INAPPROPRIATE!

That might not make sense to some of you, but to those who it does... man... comedic gold.

In other news, I just read an email this morning that my mom sent me about an online petition being organized to "Stop Corporate Lawyer John Roberts" from being appointed to the Supreme Court.

???

Number a, hasn't he already been appointed? And number B, honestly, an online petition??

How bout instead I just piss in a cup and then dump the cup on myself and run around outside barking like a dog because you know what, that will have about as much of a chance of doing something as an online petition. Do I think it's good that some right wing abortion hating Bush loving clean air destroying religious zealot should be appointed to our country's highest court?

No.

But considering the fact that no one stood up, well ok no, Pixi sort of stood up with me and hung signs opposing Bush etc etc... but since almost no one else did a God Damn thing you know what America? Fuck you. I hope we get the guy that wants to make abortion illegal, and makes it mandatory for kids to suck off priests in school, and turns back civil rights so far that when he's done somehow hippos will rule the planet. I want laws to be passed making livejournal punishable by death and changing free speech to "Free...to shut the fuck up and live in your government assigned quarters or else be hung by your intestines from a live power line" speech.

And you know why?

Because I despise how this country sits back in their comfortable 9 trillion dollar houses and starts, oh look, cute little online petitions while monsters bulldoze everything the people before them spent hundreds of years to achieve. And I'm not saying I was Suzie Superhero and I went out there riding a white horse and calvary sword and stormed Washington...

But at least I left my fucking house.

So good luck dipshit John Roberts. I fail to see how you getting appointed makes much of a difference considering the fact that the biggest shitstain in political history is currently running the country. You want to start an online petition America? Here's one you can send to all your friends:

"Join our urgent petition to let our fellow Americans know that we're all a bunch of complete pussies that still believes the pen is mightier than the sword while getting raped by a police baton. Join to show that you are 100% WILLING to put forth what amounts to less than a half assed effort to state an opinion that no one will ever give two shits about. NOW IS THE TIME AMERICA to sign this petition and let the world know we have been reduced to a country of wimps. GOD BLESS AMERICA, YOU DO IT, YOU BLESS THIS COUNTRY GOD DAMN IT OR WE'LL THROW YOUR ASS IN PRISON MOTHER FUCKER."


I love you mom, I just hate online petitions and think they're about as useful as wishing in one hand and shitting in the other.